Poetry Corner

 

The following is a poem written by Garry Chapman, who you would remember from the “Chappy Remembers” articles.  I think this was written in the mid 80’s (Ando will correct me if I’m wrong) and is worth the read.  For the older players who remember these guys it’s a good chuckle, for the new players it can give you a bit of a background on the some of the guys who have their photos on the wall.  It’s also a testament to our great club that some of the guys mentioned in this poem you will play alongside on Saturday, or have sons playing or involved with the club.

 

“LET’S WIN THIS FOR ANDY”

 

The season was drawing to a close

And in the club-rooms were collected

The Banyule blokes, who’d hung around

To hear the Grand Final side – as selected.

 

As Greggy Anderson stepped into the room

The selectors all followed him in.

He climbed up onto the nearest chair

Then he called out above all the din.

 

“We’re sorry we’ve kept you here so late.

We’ve been doing some serious thinking.”

But it didn’t appear to have worried the blokes.

They’d been doing some serious drinking.

 

“We’ve made one or two surprising changes

And gone for some experienced players.

Which means we’ve had to axe a few blokes

Such as Matty and Andy Sayers.”

 

After Butters had called for a bit of ‘shoosh’

Greggy read out the team as selected.

“Anderson, Anderson, Anderson,”

He read, which, of course, everyone expected.

 

“Russell, B.,” young Greg intoned,

“Gibson, Renshaw Goulding,”

Greg then paused to take a breath

As he glanced at the sheet he was holding.

 

“Butterworth,” he read out loud

As Kooka gagged on his can.

“Fancy dropping a bloke like Matty

And replacing him with an old man!”

 

“Lloyd,” read Greg, and as he did

The room fell into silence.

The last time Lloydy’d played this mob

There’d been unnecessary violence.

 

“Smith,” read Greg, and waved his hand

As he brushed away a blowie.

Harry was quite shocked to hear

He’d been selected as the slowie.

 

“Now, I’ve got a big surprise for you.

There’s just one name remaining.

We think this bloke’ll do the job

Although he can’t get to training.”

 

When Greggy read that final name

You should have seen their faces.

“We’ve decided to recall Roger Gill

And he’ll bowl off fifteen paces!”

 

Ronny Butler just shook his head.

He couldn’t believe his ears.

“Why would they bring back a bloke

Who hasn’t bowled for seven years?”

 

“Twelfth man for the match is Matty O’Brien.”

Said Greg with a hint of a frown.

“We’ve had to name him just in case

One of the old blokes breaks down.”

 

Then the team was posted on the wall

And the drinkers all drifted away

Wondering what their chances’d be

When the final began on Saturday.

 

When Saturday finally came around

It was a perfect day for cricket.

As Yogi arrived at the ground, he saw

The umpire preparing the wicket.

 

Yogi thought, as he walked through the gate,

“I reckon I know this ump.”

Then he smiled, and he said, “G’day,”

To Don, who was knocking in the middle stump.

 

“Well, Don, I guess I really shouldn’t

Ask you to tip a winner.”

“No,” said Don, “but I’ll let you know

Next week at our premiership dinner.”

 

The other skipper soon came along

And shook Yogi by the hand.

The coin was tossed and heads came up

Just as our captain had planned.

 

“Heads it is. Jim, you can bowl.

And by the way, good luck,”

Said Yoge, but what he really meant

Was, “Hope you make a duck.”

 

Then Yogi went straight back to his team

And called them in for a meeting.

But Roger rolled in a little bit late,

Still chewing the pie he was eating.

 

Yoge stressed what a premiership flag would mean

For the club, its supporters and players,

The finished his speech with an emotional plea.

“Let’s win this for Andy Sayers!”

 

The players all knew just how much it meant

To win this for Andy’s sake.

But Yoge, as coach, was more concerned

With the large cash bonus he’d make.

 

Butters and Rennah put on the pads

And went out to face the new ball.

“Just take your time, Rennah, we’ve got all day,

And for God’s sake, remember to call.”

 

Butters and Rennah then set about

To remove from the ball, all its shine.

They cautiously poked and the prodded about

And at drinks, we were none for nine.

 

Poor Rennah was the first man to go

After an innings of solid defence.

He opened his shoulders and took a great swing

But, alas, he was caught on the fence.

 

The Yogi confidently strode to the crease –

As our captain, he was clapped.

The first ball he received was good

And Yoge’s back pad was rapped.

 

“Owzat!” the opposition team exclaimed.

They knew there was no doubt.

You should have seen their faces drop

When Don replied, “Not Out!”

 

“Aw, come on, Ump!” they carried on.

“You know it would’ve hit.”

“That’s your opinion,: Don replied,

“But I don’t give a shit!”

 

Then Yogi, blessed by his good luck

Hit shots to all parts of the fence,

Backed up by the reliable Butters

Who was solid in defence.

 

But Butters went out to a lazy shot

And then Gibbon came in to face.

This talented batsman took to the bowling

And gave Heidelberg plenty to chase.

 

A new spin bowler was introduced,

But as soon as he came on the scene,

Gibbo took three steps down the pitch

And dispatched him into Ronny’s canteen.

 

The ball missed Dunny’s head by inches

As he served a customer a can.

I s’pose you can guess who the customer was –

You’re right.  It was Gibbo’s old man.

 

Then Gibbo went out, and Yogi was joined

By his younger brother, Greg.

The first two balls that he received

Passed harmlessly outside leg.

 

Helen sat there, beaming with pride

As these two blokes piled on the runs.

When asked, “Who’s out there batting?”, she cried,

"That’s Graham and Gregory – my sons!”

 

When these two blokes came off at tea

We were three for one hundred and ten.

They tucked into Ronny’s cuppas and scones

The returned to the middle and started again.

 

Young Greggy was batting very well

Watched proudly by his mum.

Then a ball kept low and hit his pads

And he was given out L.B – quite plumb.

 

When the umpire put his finger up

To the jubilant opposition’s cheer,

At square leg, Don shook his head,

Saying, “It wasn’t out from here.”

 

Brad then walked out to the middle

Wearing his famous cap of gold.

He briefly plundered the pace attack,

Then, sadly, he was bowled.

 

Peter Goulding stepped into the fray

And made a brisk forty-one.

But he was run out by a good return

As he scrambled for a second run.

 

Big Roger Gill joined his skipper,

Playing one of his great captain’s knocks.

But the very first ball that Roger received

Got through and slammed into his box.

 

Poor old Roger went down for the count.

He was shaken by the fall.

And worse was to come, for just after this

He was given out – handled ball!

 

As Roger hobbled off the ground

He was feeling considerably ill,

When onto the ground ran a little white pig.

On its side was stenciled GILL.

 

Lloydy then limped out onto the ground

With bandages on both of his knees.

He said to Yoge as he came to the crease,

“For God’s sake, don’t run any threes.”

 

“At the end of the over, if I’m still here,

I’ll get you to come down the track

And, if you don’t mind, you can give me a hand

To tighten this brace on my back.”

 

Then Lloydy started smashing the bowlers

To all of the parts of the ground.

He once hit a ball which ran into a drain

And, fortunately, it couldn’t be found.

 

Then, gradually, as his confidence grew

Lloydy began to run faster.

And all the admiring spectators knew

That now they were watching the Master.

 

Then Lloydy decided to run more than singles.

He was running for seconds and thirds.

And amongst all the spectators out on the fence

Poor Rowdy was quite lost for words.

 

Yogi was going from strength to strength

As he posted another great ‘ton’.

While Helen, his mum, was beaming with pride

As she cheered him, “Good on you, son!”

 

Alas, Lloydy’s innings came to grief

When his knees and his back gave way.

They brought out a stretcher to carry him off

And Don had to hold up the play.

 

So Ninna replaced the injured Lloyd

And came in to join his young brother.

To look at the two of them batting out there

Was a wonderful sight for their mother.

 

The Anderson boys took the total along

To a very respectable score.

The Ninna was stranded well out of his crease

And departed for a good twenty-four.

 

Harry came in, brimming with confidence,

And proceeded to take his guard.

While Yogi called out from the other end,

“Just run the first one hard.”

 

Harry decided, at this stage of the game,

That little would be gained by defence.

So he took a few steps down the middle of the pitch

And put several balls over the fence.

 

Harry and Yogi took Banyule’s score

To over four hundred and thirty.

Then Don gave Harry out caught behind

But as he walked off – he was dirty!

 

Yogi came off on a hundred and ninety

To applause from every supporter.

And then, at the end of a long, weary day

He was interviewed by a reporter.

 

The following day when the final continued

Poor Lloydy was covered in plaster.

But Matty can field and bowl better than him,

So this wasn’t such a disaster.

 

As the players all made their way onto the field

Young Barnesy drove up the ground.

And the almighty crash as he entered the carpark

Could be heard for a few miles around.

 

But Ronny Bulter was right on the ball.

He said, “I think Barnesy’s here.”

And then he sold his first can for the day

As he served Alan Gibson a beer.

 

When Peter Goulding bowled the first ball,

He couldn’t believe his good luck.

His bouncer connected the batman’s head

And dismissed him for a duck.

 

The ball dropped down onto the stumps

So. Of course, Don gave him out bowled.

But, as well, to add insult to injury,

The ball had knocked him out cold.

 

From there, things seemed to go our way.

The new ball was cutting and swinging.

While out in the crowd on the boundary

The ‘Blue Rinse Trio’ were singing.

 

Neil was bowling with the wind

To which he was ideally suited.

He was well rewarded for his efforts

When the batsman’s stumps were uprooted.

 

When big Roger Gill took over one end

And measured out his long run

The thought went through the batsman’s mind,

“This bloke weighs more than a ton!”

 

Then Roger thundered in to bowl

From all of his fifteen paces.

But all he could bowl after seven years off

Were some gentle medium pacers.

 

Then the opposition got stuck into him

And played some attractive cricket.

Yoge was just going to give him a spell

When Roger picked up his first wicket.

 

The batsmen hit the ball high in the air

And the eyes of the crowd all followed it.

But Harry got there with a great burst of speed,

And to Rogers delight, Harry swallowed it.

 

The Heidelberg skipper came out to bat

The ump give him center to leg.

Roger came thundering in once again

But bowled the ball wide of off peg.

 

It came off Jim’s bat, and then hit his pad

But Roger was still heard to shout,

And, Don, to Jim’s shocked disbelief

Said, “that’s close enough, you’re out.”

 

Roger then pointed the way off the field

And Jim left the ground in dismay.

Don turned to Roger and said with a smile,

“We should win, now that Jim’s out of the way.”

 

Harry came on at the pavilion end

And, immediately, he made the ball spin.

The batsmen was cautious for one or two balls

And then Harry craftily sucked him in.

 

He ran down the pitch, well out of his crease,

Took a swipe as the ball whizzed passed.

But, quick as a wink, the bails were off

‘Cause Rennah was lightning fast.

 

Butters then put down a chance in the slips

And this upset the Blue Rinse sin-gers.

So now, instead of Butterworth,

He’s known as Butterfingers.

 

Neil and Peter came back on to bowl

A move which brought some success

Both broke through and smashed the stumps

And Don gladly cleaned up the mess.

 

Roger came back for another spell

From a drastically shortened run

When he got a wicket straight away

They were eight for one hundred and one

 

When a bloke hit Harry into the covers

And Brad completed the catch

The Heidelberg supports began to concede

That their blokes just weren’t up to scratch

 

Then Yogi made a surprising move

As he sent Matty off the field

The crowd went wild as Lloydy came on

Though his wounds had not yet healed.

 

As Lloydy painfully entered the field

Yogi turned to consult with Greg

“I think the position that’s fitting for him

is probably silly leg!”

 

Lloydy was taking great risk, of course

Going back on while injured and sore

But John Veal had anticipated this

He’d brought first aid supplies from his store.

 

Then Yogi took the ball himself

In a bid to finish the match.

The batsman hit it straight at Lloydy

Who was not feeling quite up to scratch.

 

The ball cannoned into his gummy leg

Then ricocheted into the air.

As Lloydy fell and clutched the ball

He felt both hamstrings tear.

 

As one, the Banyule team went up,

Proudly, Don upheld the appeal.

The spectators out on the fence went wild,

Especially Dorothy Veal.

 

Alan Gibson threw his can in the air

It accidentally hit Kevin Bowler.

The brothers Veal all jumped the fence

As well as the brothers Gazzola.

 

Peter Adams, in his black and white jumper

Ran on through the interchange gate.

While Baron helped Patto back onto his feet

Though he couldn’t stand up very straight.

 

The team had come in and picked up Lloydy

They lifted him shoulder high.

They chaired their hero from the ground

As he winced at the pain in his thigh.

 

Then Ronny Butler emerged from his bar

And gave them a can of beer each.

As the players and Don all drank to their win

Yogi stood up to make his big speech.

 

He thanked his opponents, then Ronny, then Don

He thanked the supporters and players

And then, his voice choked with emotion, he said,